How to Get Free Waffles: And How Sarah Palin's "Going Rogue" Release Triggered The "Leggo my Eggo" Waffle Crisis of 2009
This week, the top two talked about commodities in the U.S.A. marketplace are: Sarah Palin's book "Going Rogue", and "Leggo My Eggo" waffles.
While there are plenty of Sarah Palin books available---think how many trees were slaughtered for The Cause--- there is a frightening shortage of the frozen waffles on store shelves.
"I have it on good authority that there will be a full distribution of Eggo products by the middle of 2010," said Topper. "Unless there's another flood. Or unless this Palin chippy gets her hooks further into the noshing business."
Either way, in his handling of the waffle crisis, Chase Carpenter Topperton IV, (again,"Topper" to his friends), is showing a characteristic aplomb common to those in public office. "There ARE rumors," Topper confided to Couric, "along the lines of running for Governor."
Excepting the slight issue of having to inform Constance Biddleby Burrows that their wedding---THE event of the Boston social season--may have to be postponed a "month or two" because of the Great Waffle Crisis of 2009, Topper seems to have everything under control.
Film at 11.
Consumers hardest hit by the waffle crisis are asked to call Sarah Palin, who's a problem solver, or a hotline set up to appease concerns about, amongst other things, free waffles (866-971-3320).
"However, Caveat Empress," said Topper to CBS's Katie Couric. "Governor Palin, is a notorious waffler, and our firm is looking into her--and the entire state of Alaska--for possible hoarding issues."
"Come again?" said Couric, who seemed to be adjusting her ear-piece.
"I mean," said Topper, "All of a sudden, Sarah Palin is rich off this "Going Rogue" business and suddenly waffles are missing? It doesn't take an Einstein to figure out that e=mc squared."
Kellogg, the manufacturer of the Eggo product, says the shortage of waffles is due to flood damage at an Atlanta bakery.
Interesting. The entire waffle industry is crippled by a little water damage to an obscure, remote manufacturing shop in---Atlanta?
In fairness--Kellogg says it IS making repairs to the flood damaged equipment which makes the waffles, adding it's just taken a tad bit longer than anticipated.
"In the South, and Alaska," said Chase Carpenter Topperton IV, a Boston attorney handling the waffle industry's interests, "things tend to move a bit more slowly, like cold molasses dripping off a hot...well--waffle."
Consumers are asked to believe this because, even though this is 2009, it IS Kellogg and they make cereal, not nuclear weapons. Besides, no waffle- making company has EVER had a flood in Atlanta sufficient to cause damage to its one worldwide waffle making machine.
"It's l ike Hurricane Katrina times TWENTY-THREE," said Topperton IV ("Topper" to his friends). "It's so bad, I may have to postpone my wedding Saturday."
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